EveB
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 109
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Post by EveB on Jun 8, 2004 17:03:38 GMT -5
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GX
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 75
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Post by GX on Jun 11, 2004 14:22:09 GMT -5
How make an Idiot be at a loss for 24h? That I say you tommorow...
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Laho
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 144
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Post by Laho on Jun 12, 2004 5:50:32 GMT -5
A man walks to a bar with an ostrich which has a drowned cat riding on top of its head. "I'm sure there is an interesting story behind this one," the barman says. The man shrugs. "Well, it all began when I found a well of wishes..." "And THAT is your wish?" the barkeep wonders. "Kinda... I wished for a long-legged chick with a wet pussy."
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Post by Wide Asleep on Jun 12, 2004 7:30:32 GMT -5
A banana walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, sorry, we don't serve food here...
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Post by Jazz on Jun 13, 2004 20:47:56 GMT -5
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SensFanForever
Prospect
Sophomore
Success comes from the lessons learned through past failures.
Posts: 153
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Post by SensFanForever on Jun 13, 2004 21:59:04 GMT -5
You mean What? A judge was interviewing a woman for her pending divorce and asked "What are the grounds for divorce?" She Replied, " About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No, " he said, " I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and motar," she replied. " I mean , " He continued "What are your relations like?" " I have an aunt and uncle living here in town and so do my husbands parents." He said " Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two car carport and have never really needed one" "Please," he tried again, " Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music but the answer to your question is yes." Ma'am, does your husband ever bet you up?" Yes, she respond, " about twice a week he gets up earlier than i do." Finally in frustration, the judge asked " Lady why do you want a divorce?" "Oh I don't want a divorce, " She replied. " I've Never wanted a divorce, my husband does, he says he can't communicate with me."
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pyr
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 259
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Post by pyr on Jun 15, 2004 8:17:34 GMT -5
I know also longer version, but I think what is simply that is nice, so
Two guys go by the road when suddenly a motobiker without head pass them in infernal pace. The guys look at each other and continue smoothly. After a while - fuuuuuu - another headless motobiker has ridden by them. Both guys go further. When third motobiker has passed them, one guy can´t stand it more, look at the other and say: "Wouldn´t be better if you carry your scythe on other shoulder?"
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Laho
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 144
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Post by Laho on Jun 15, 2004 12:51:58 GMT -5
Warms the Finnish heart:
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Post by Balder on Jun 16, 2004 6:29:16 GMT -5
I thought koskenkorva did that?
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Laho
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 144
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Post by Laho on Jun 16, 2004 11:07:32 GMT -5
That's indeed true. Now the question goes, how do people in different Nordic countries drink booze? The Norwegians drink booze with ice. The Danes drink booze with water. The Swedes drink booze without water. ...and the Finns drink booze like water. And as an extra, the whole story concerning the pic above. Get it now.
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roots
Prospect
Sophomore
growing old inevitable..growing up optional!
Posts: 816
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Post by roots on Jun 16, 2004 15:29:01 GMT -5
a curious fellow died and found himself waiting in a long line awaiting judgement. as he stood he noticed some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven while others were led over to satan who threw them into the burning pit of hell. but, every so often satan would toss a soul aside into a small pile...after watching satan for awhile the fellow became curious..'excuse me, mr prince of darkness' he said' i couldn't help wonder why you are tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the pits of hell with the others?' .. 'ah those'..satan said with a groan...'they are all from Nova Scotia, they're still too cold and wet to burn'
..insert cold wet region of your choice!
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Post by Jd on Jun 17, 2004 5:35:01 GMT -5
Did you just fart, because baby you blew me away.
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Laho
Prospect
Sophomore
Posts: 144
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Post by Laho on Jun 17, 2004 9:14:22 GMT -5
THE OFFICIAL RULEBOOK OF IBHF (International Bedroom Hockey Federation)
For those who were not yet aware of it... you can actually play hockey in your own bedroom as well. The rules follow:
1. The player is allowed to use nothing but his own equipment during the game, usually one stick. The stick has to be made of biological materials, but if for one reason or another the player's primary stick is out of use, wielding a synthetic stick can be allowed in a special case. The owner of the rink must check all the equipment and accept them to be used before the game begins. If the player tries to enter the rink with unauthorized equipment, the penalty in the worst case can be a suspension that will last for years.
2. The main that differs from the original hockey is that you're supposed to get your stick, not the puck, to visit the bag. Actually, puck is not used at all. To remain the harm caused to the rink as minimum as possible when scoring, the owner of the rink must have an option to block the entrance of players with a stick too big.
3. To enchance the playing experience, the stick must be very stiff. This is another thing the owner of the rink should take care of before the game begins.
4. The main idea of the game is to make the stick enter the bag enough times to make the rink owner satisfied. In one end of the arena, there is a specialty since there're two scoring bags very close to each other. The owner of the rink points the correct spot to slam the stick in.
5. As in usual hockey, players can be penalized for too rough behavior. Unless something really odd modification of the game is going on, the rink owner will also act as a referee.
6. It's not very gentlemanlike for a player to mention the other arenas he's played in lately.
7. If the sliding abilities in the rink are bad or it's out of use for some other reason, like the painting of a new red center line, the players must find alternative methods of playing. Usually it's okay to use the lone bag in the other end of the arena however. Most rink owner don't favor this though, because they enjoy experiencing a full-scale match.
8. It's against the ethics of the game to reveal your results to the other ones playing the game... or about anyone.
9. Sometimes there is a minor fee for using the rink, naturally set by its owner. In some quarters of the world, taking cash for using the rink is de facto considered illegal.
10. For a player who plays in a new rink or is in serious doubt about its current condition, it's recommendable to shed the stick with some plastic or rubber before the game begins.
11. Another major difference to actual hockey is that bedroom version is very often single-player- not a team game. But in most cases the amount of players in the rink can't be higher than three, due the amount of the bags. If there's more than three players, someone or someones always have to wait outside the rink. While doing that, it's recommandable to keep your stick in playing condition by polishing it. You can also give aplodes to the performances of the other players.
12. While playing a tournament, the players participating in it will agree on the used rink and the length of the game (e.g. one week). After the time is up, the players gather in a suitable place – for example the corner pub – and check the results. The player who has scored the most is the winner.
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SensFanForever
Prospect
Sophomore
Success comes from the lessons learned through past failures.
Posts: 153
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Post by SensFanForever on Jun 17, 2004 21:47:39 GMT -5
The Sailor A young woman in Toronto was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Lake Ontario. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches, some bottled water and a piece of fruit, and they had passionate sex until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Toronto Island Ferry".
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Post by Jazz on Jun 18, 2004 13:30:58 GMT -5
Conan is hilarious! ;D I have been forwarding the video clip and the picture to most of my buddies! Is the show popular in Finland?
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